Life of a Mom

On July 5th, 2019 I went to the MFM US appointment just like I had in the previous weeks. Usually, I had someone to go with me, friend or family, however, this time I went alone. I got into the room, usual routine, warm jelly, picture of itty bitty on the screen in front of me. The tech began to scan, "how has your blood pressure been?" It had been fine since  I was started on the blood pressure medications. There was a couple of time that it was high, but I was cleared in the OB Triage. She continued to scan. I felt in my gut something wasn't right. I tried to remain calm. On the screen, I could see the measurements of my precious daughter. Again, something didn't feel right. At the end of the scan I could see "EDD: October 17, 2019" by initial due date was September 30th, 2019. My baby was measuring 17 days behind. The tech left the room, I began to panic. I was all alone. She returned and explained that the doctor wanted some more pictures and that I was ...

As time passed I had intermittent anxious regarding my pregnancy. I was able to calm myself, but "am I going to lose this baby?" was always at the back of my mind. Every time I went to the rest room I checked to ensure I wasn't bleeding. Each week that went by was one week closer to ensure I wasn't going to lose my baby. All my ultrasounds were normal. I approached 16 weeks and in case you haven't realized reading this blog, I am anxious. So, we paid for a private ultrasound to hold a gender reveal, because I couldn't wait to find out what we were having. April 20th, 2019 we held a gender reveal party, IT'S A GIRL!!  We were having a baby girl. So thrilled, tear rolled down my face. My husband was so excited. Daddy's little girl was going to be arriving September 30th, 2019. At 17 weeks I experienced some concerning symptoms. I was getting ready for work and experienced a large wave of heat throughout my body, lost my vision, got a severe headache,...

Remember how in the last post I peed on a stick? Well, it was POSITIVE. After 1 year and 3 months I was finally pregnant. The one thing I wanted, to be a mom. I was getting ready for work and decided, "what the hell might as well pee on a stick. What's the worst that could happen?" So I did it. I saw that extra line on the tiny stick that held all my hopes and dreams. It was 5 in the morning, I started crying. That extra line, it was there. I woke my husband up and told him the exciting news! I was pregnant!   The excitement set in. Everything I read about pregnancy after a miscarriage said to reserve yourself. Don't tell people. Wait. I just couldn't. I wanted the people I loved to know. I wanted them to know that I was finally pregnant. The excitement was there the entire time, then the anxiety began to sneak up on me.  I had to talk myself down every day that this time would be different. I was going to carry my baby to term. I would get to hold my baby. Si...

A year had passed since my miscarriage. We had been trying to get pregnant since. At this point I was getting discouraged, I never thought we were going to have a baby naturally. We began fertility testing; blood work monthly, diet change, vitamins, exercise, self-care, and finally.. I had a laparoscopic surgery. They went in and cleaned the scar tissue left from the endometriosis they also ensured my fallopian tubes were cleared. This took place in December of 2018. As time was passing I was becoming hopeless. I was never diagnosed, but I believe at a point during our struggle I fell into some depression. I felt as though my world was standing still and everything around me was moving. It seemed as though everyone else was getting pregnant and here I was.. wanting to be a mom so desperately and I couldn't get pregnant. I was angry, disappointed, ashamed and broken. Looking back, I should have got help. I should have talked to someone to help improve my coping of the miscarriage....

I graduated college in July 2016, married my high school sweetheart in November 2016. Hurray for love! in June of 2017 we decided it was time for my life changing Mirena to come out and we were going to start a family! 3 months later.. I peed on a stick and it said “PREGNANT!” I was the happiest girl in the world! I cried, screamed, took “before belly pictures,” started shopping for the nursery, you know, everything a new mom does. Friday, October 13th 2017, I started cramping and bleeding. I had lower back pain, my heart sank. I knew something wasn’t right. Everyone told me “it’s implantation bleeding.” I went to the doctor. They drew my blood, two days later went back and drew it again. My gut wrenching fears were confirmed. I miscarried. “It happens to many women.” “It’s nothing you did. You couldn’t have changed it.” “You’ll get pregnant again.” ”You weren’t that far along so it doesn’t matter. Why are you even upset?” All these statements and none of them made me feel better. I ...

For the first time I am going to open up about the struggles I have endured in my journey to motherhood. I will talk about my pre-mom days, how I became a mom, and the current obstacles I face as a mom. I will talk about things that many woman struggle with, but are not talked about frequently. This blog won’t be for everyone, and I am okay with that. I just want to bring light to struggles that are often ignored or suppressed. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Pre-Momma Days As a young girl I struggled with my menstrual cycle. I was sick every time it came to visit. It was so heavy I was going through a super tampon and the hospital grade pads. (Seriously since I was 11. I didn’t know we, as women had THAT much blood) Thank the Lord for my momma because she knew I was in pain. She took to me the gynecologist and I was clinically diagnosed with endometriosis. The doctor put me on birth control and I was able to manage through junior high and high...